Posts tagged as “#selflove”

ACCEPTANCE OF SELF

Published February 20, 2020 by jjmac80

“Be confident. Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to
others and wishing to be something we aren’t. Everybody has their
own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when you accept
everything you are- and aren’t- that you will truly succeed.”

-unknown.

Before continuing, its important to
accept that you are not perfect, but rather perfectly imperfect and
unique. Cut yourself some slack if you make a mistake. Anyone who has
ever tried something new, or tried to quit something unhealthy has
made a mistake. One must offer themselves grace and forgiveness, but
more than that, one must accept themselves for who they are. If you
truly want to be happy, then it will do you no good to spend any
amount of time putting yourself down.

Most of us have things about
ourselves we think could be better. Society and media contribute a
great deal to our image of self. Girls in magazines are airbrushed to
have a particular type of body, the education system caters to a
certain type of mind, success (as our culture sees it) is measured by
our level of income and number of possessions. If you are not slim
and symmetrical, then you are ugly. If you do not make A’s in your
class’s, then you are dumb. If you aren’t raking in the cash and
driving a fancy car, then you are a failure. These are the lies we
are fed from day one; Enough! There is so much beauty around us,
there are so many possibilities, and there are so many definitions of
success. If you are going to make it on this journey, then you have
got to start loving yourself for who you are. That being said, one
should always leave room for personal growth as this is the ultimate
way to add to the depth of your soul and personality, hence the
previous bit on learning.

One can have things about
themselves they wish to improve on and still have acceptance of self.
For example, someone who is trying to lose weight can love themselves
for who they are today, while also working towards the goal of being
a more fit version of themselves. Along the way there will also be
many opportunities for them to practice giving themselves grace when
struggles arise. Someone who may not have a knack for math, but
perhaps possess a passion for art, can accept themselves for their
specific talents and be okay with not having gifts in other areas.
Someone who lives in a tiny house and chooses to live off the land
can be defined as successful. It’s okay to not want the same things
as others and to color outside of the lines. It’s okay to be
different than others as well. In fact it’s good that you are,
because if we where all exactly the same, there would be nothing to
learn from each other and no one to challenge us; therefore there
would be little growth and people in general would become a bore.
There is no other individual that is exactly like you; embrace your
uniqueness.

The other thing we as people do too
much of, is sensor ourselves. It’s almost as if we have a different
personality for everyone we talk to. We are constantly trying to
uphold several images. With your parents you are a certain way, with
your good friends you are another. While at church you may be all
please and thank you, but when at work Monday you may be all shut-up
and fuck-you. It’s exhausting to keep up with being someone or
something you are not. It’s possible to expend so much effort
keeping up images that even you aren’t sure who you really are. As
with all things, there needs to some balance. If there is a group of
people that you are normally quiet with, maybe speak up a little. If
there is a group of people that you are normally outspoken with,
maybe listen a little more. If you find that when around certain
people you are afraid to just be you, then it may be time to think
about finding some people who allow you to be authentic, and who
in-turn are also authentic.

The point here is we must stop worrying so much about what other people think of us; we don’t need to be people pleasers. You don’t need everyone to be happy with you; you need to be happy with you. Start living your life for you, not for others. Start accepting who you are and who you can become, and let go of who you are not.

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FORGIVENESS

Published February 20, 2020 by jjmac80

FORGIVENESS

“There is no love without
forgiveness,

and there is no forgiveness
without love.”

-Bryant H. McGill.

Forgiveness
is a choice. Sometimes the act of forgiving can hurt almost as much
as the wound inflicted upon us in the first place. When we forgive,
it is not always for others; at times it is just for us.

There
are times when another may tread on us, then go about their way
without a single thought as to how they made us feel; it is us who
are left to suffer. It is also us who hold the cure. If an object
pierces your flesh and is left untreated, its likely that you will
remain in a state of pain. The longer it remains, the more your life
will begin to ebb away. At some point you will need to remove the
object to allow the flesh a chance to heal. You will always bear the
scar, this will be a reminder to you; what you choose to learn from
it is up to you.

When we hold on to our anger, it gives us a sense of control. We were not able to control the event that injured us, so we will now rebel against our internal desire to forgive and love as a way to protect ourselves from further harm. However, it is us who will pay the price, not the perpetrator. When we hold on to anger we limit our peace and happiness. Anger, pride, lust, and envy are some of the things that blind us. Forgiveness is about letting go. Forgiving others is similar to bailing water out of a boat; with every bucket of water tossed over the side our vessel begins to rise. Soon, you are able to float above the chaos, continuing down stream the way you were meant to.

Sometimes
we withhold our forgiveness as a way to punish someone else; again it
is about control. We want to keep them from having peace. We want to
wound them, the way they wounded us. What we often fail to realize,
is that we have been poisoned. We are now allowing anger to run our
lives, and we are also allowing others to have power over us. The
only way to break the cycle is to forgive. When we do so, all of the
power over us is released. We are able to move back into a place of
positivity, a place of healing and progress.

Forgiving
others is also an act of love. There will surely be people along the
way who perhaps do not deserve your forgives. It is not up to us to
be the judge of every man or woman. In these cases, it is best to
forgive in order to allow yourself to move on. However, in the case
of relationship forgiveness can be seen as an act of unconditional
love. It can be a way to say to someone, that even though you are not
perfect, I will love you anyway. It is not a show of weakness, but
one of strength. You are not forgiving because you have to, but
because you choose to.

If
you desire forgiveness, then be the type that forgives, and be brave
enough to ask for it. Take responsibility for the things you know you
have done wrong. Most importantly forgive yourself. You cannot have
happiness if you are angry with yourself. If you believe you are
hurting others on purpose, then you should meet that issue with the
power of your will and do that which is necessary to change it. If
you are merely being human and making mistakes like the rest of us,
then you should love yourself, forgive yourself, learn from it, and
move on.

The sooner you put forgiveness into practice, the sooner you can get the water out of your boat, get the object of pain out of your flesh, heal your wounds, strengthen your relationships, and get back to being happy.

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FINDING BALANCE

Published January 22, 2020 by jjmac80

FINDING BALANCE

“The secret to life

is
finding the right balance to everything you do”.

-Unknown.

Balance
is all around us. One merely needs to step out side and have a look
around. The day is chased by the night, and the night is chased by
the day. The seasons lead and follow one another, like four ancient
friends riding a merry-go-round. The trees produce oxygen bringing
life to every breathing creature, and the breath of those creatures
returns to the trees as carbon-dioxide where it is turned back into
oxygen once again. The earth and moon move through space like
professional dance partners keeping time with the song of the
universe and holding each others gaze. There are many more examples
of balance in nature, but what about us; where can we see balance in
our own lives?

When
we think of balance today, we generally think about our schedules.
How do I get the kids to school in the morning, get to work on time,
and then somehow make it back to pick them up in eight hours? How can
I make time to pursue my education, excel at work, and hold down a
committed relationship? These are all good questions, and each of
them certainly have their place, but first there must be balance on a
more basic level. There are four fundamental areas to consider when
seeking balance in our lives; social,
physical,
mental,
and emotional.
Each of them is important to finding our equilibrium, and each is
essential to our happiness.

There
are many aspects of the social self, time with friends, interactions
with coworkers, being part of a church, participating in team sports,
and so on. Anytime you are interacting with one or more other
individuals, you are experiencing your social self. That is, the
person you become when you are with a particular individual or group
of individuals.

The
physical self has to do with your external appearance as well as your
internal health. Many factors play a role in this aspect of self. As
noted in a previous chapter, genetics play a large part, as they
provide the very frame work for your appearance and function, but
there are other factors as well. Diet and exercise, makeup, jewelry,
attire, and hair style can all contribute to this element of self.

The
mental self is vast. It is a medley of everything from our capacity
to learn to our ability to think, process, and reason. It has much to
do with our attitude, self awareness, natural talents, and our
general intelligence.

Finally,
there is the emotional self. This portion of self is complex and can
be quite difficult to master and or understand. It’s possible for
multiple individuals to have different feelings about the same event.
Due to the vast web of social media and other technological
advancements such as texting, many have become detached from their
emotional self. Some choose to bottle their feelings, never allowing
themselves to experience them. While others seek to bury or drown
them by way of drug and alcohol use.

Balance
within each category is crucial. For example; if you choose not to
eat as a way to lose weight and in order to appear healthier, your
internal health suffers and you are if effect out of balance. If you
choose to lose weight through healthy diet and exercise, then you
will be more in balance. If you make the choice to suppress your
sadness so that others will believe that you are happy rather than
experience your feelings and process them in a healthy manner; then
again you will be out of balance and you cannot be truly happy.

It
is equally important to have balance between each aspect of self. If
you spend all of your time focusing on your social self by going to
clubs with friends and getting trashed, it’s likely that your
physical self will suffer as a result of toxins, and poor nutrition.
Your mental self could suffer from lack of sleep, and your emotional
self may experience highs and lows as a negative facet of all of the
above. If you were to focus entirely on your physical self using only
healthy means, you may have balance within that category, but you may
also still be out of balance as a whole. Perhaps you are spending all
of your free time with your headphones in at the gym and your social
life has become nonexistent. Every individuals needs vary to some
degree, and the above examples (while somewhat extreme) are meant to
convey a basic truth. Balance is intrinsically linked to our overall
state of well being. I would also argue that our spiritual
self
is very much something to be examined. While many decisions in life
require nothing more than logic, there are many times when having a
good balance of mind and heart intelligence will lead to the more
satisfactory outcome.

A
simple way to be more intentional about having balance, is to write
down each main element of self and list in each category what you are
doing to improve in that area. Then think about how much time you
give to each of them, and decide if you are content with the way you
are balancing them. If you are not content, or simply feel there is
room for improvement; try to come up with some healthy ways to do so.
If you have been stuffing down your emotions, perhaps consider
counsel or setting some time aside for self reflection. If your
mental state is one of stress, maybe find some ways you can unwind,
like making time for positive physical, or social activities to
relieve said stress and restore your balance.

As I have said before; if you make more time to spend with yourself, building an intrapersonal relationship with you, then you will have a better sense of self and you will be better equipped to recognize when something feels off. Hence you will have the tools needed to correct course and get back to being a happier more balanced you.

Recommended Books

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