“Be confident. Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something we aren’t. Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when you accept everything you are- and aren’t- that you will truly succeed.”
-unknown.
Before continuing, its important to accept that you are not perfect, but rather perfectly imperfect and unique. Cut yourself some slack if you make a mistake. Anyone who has ever tried something new, or tried to quit something unhealthy has made a mistake. One must offer themselves grace and forgiveness, but more than that, one must accept themselves for who they are. If you truly want to be happy, then it will do you no good to spend any amount of time putting yourself down.
Most of us have things about ourselves we think could be better. Society and media contribute a great deal to our image of self. Girls in magazines are airbrushed to have a particular type of body, the education system caters to a certain type of mind, success (as our culture sees it) is measured by our level of income and number of possessions. If you are not slim and symmetrical, then you are ugly. If you do not make A’s in your class’s, then you are dumb. If you aren’t raking in the cash and driving a fancy car, then you are a failure. These are the lies we are fed from day one; Enough! There is so much beauty around us, there are so many possibilities, and there are so many definitions of success. If you are going to make it on this journey, then you have got to start loving yourself for who you are. That being said, one should always leave room for personal growth as this is the ultimate way to add to the depth of your soul and personality, hence the previous bit on learning.
One can have things about themselves they wish to improve on and still have acceptance of self. For example, someone who is trying to lose weight can love themselves for who they are today, while also working towards the goal of being a more fit version of themselves. Along the way there will also be many opportunities for them to practice giving themselves grace when struggles arise. Someone who may not have a knack for math, but perhaps possess a passion for art, can accept themselves for their specific talents and be okay with not having gifts in other areas. Someone who lives in a tiny house and chooses to live off the land can be defined as successful. It’s okay to not want the same things as others and to color outside of the lines. It’s okay to be different than others as well. In fact it’s good that you are, because if we where all exactly the same, there would be nothing to learn from each other and no one to challenge us; therefore there would be little growth and people in general would become a bore. There is no other individual that is exactly like you; embrace your uniqueness.
The other thing we as people do too much of, is sensor ourselves. It’s almost as if we have a different personality for everyone we talk to. We are constantly trying to uphold several images. With your parents you are a certain way, with your good friends you are another. While at church you may be all please and thank you, but when at work Monday you may be all shut-up and fuck-you. It’s exhausting to keep up with being someone or something you are not. It’s possible to expend so much effort keeping up images that even you aren’t sure who you really are. As with all things, there needs to some balance. If there is a group of people that you are normally quiet with, maybe speak up a little. If there is a group of people that you are normally outspoken with, maybe listen a little more. If you find that when around certain people you are afraid to just be you, then it may be time to think about finding some people who allow you to be authentic, and who in-turn are also authentic.
The point here is we must stop worrying so much about what other people think of us; we don’t need to be people pleasers. You don’t need everyone to be happy with you; you need to be happy with you. Start living your life for you, not for others. Start accepting who you are and who you can become, and let go of who you are not.
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